


Breaking Point

by Shivachichi



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bellarke, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-507, Season 5 Spoiler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-26 02:32:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14990834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shivachichi/pseuds/Shivachichi
Summary: Bellamy and Clarke try to find a way to bridge the distance between them in the aftermath of episode 507 "Acceptable Losses".





	Breaking Point

**Author's Note:**

> This is my take on a possible continuation of the ending of episode 507. It's my first time writing angst as well as Bellarke, so I'm sorry if they seem OOC to you. Also, English isn't my native language, so please keep that in mind while reading. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for 508 and hope I can ease the agonizing wait for all of you Bellarkers out there just a little bit. Enjoy!

„She’s my sister, Clarke.“

Bellamy turns to look at her. They’re alone and the air is heavy with tension between them. Tension that has been building up ever since he got her out of the cell on Diyoza’s ship. Monty and Harper must’ve felt that, too, he realizes. They had fled the room immediately after Clarke had declared that she planned on taking down Octavia. His sister. He doesn’t know whether to be angry or frustrated or sad but he knows he must not let his emotions get the best of him. So he tries to keep a level head. It’s what he’s had to do ever since he had left Clarke behind on Earth to die six years ago. Or so he thought. Clarke didn’t die. There she was, standing right in front of him, the same determined look in her eyes that he remembered from all those years ago. But there is also something else. Something he can’t really place and he’s frustrated with himself because they used to understand each other so well before. Clarke takes a step towards him.

“She’s dangerous. If we don’t take Octavia down now, she’ll go to war. You know what she’s planning!”

Of course he knows. He’s seen the experiments. Didn’t want to believe his sister actually sanctioned them. But she did. He vividly remembers the cold ruthlessness in her eyes when they had confronted her about it. The indifference she showed upon learning of the living man Cooper had used to cultivate the worms. It horrifies him. The way his sister has changed in the last six years. That he has no idea what to do about it. That everything is turning out to be so different from the way he always imagined it would be. Bellamy drags a hand through his hair in frustration. A desperate effort to calm the whirlwind of emotions in his heart. His voice is low and controlled when he finally speaks.

“So you take my sister down and then what? Who’s going to lead these people? You? You actually think they’re going to surrender to Diyoza after _you_ take down their leader? Who’ll be the enemy then, Clarke?”

Clarke opens her mouth to respond but stops herself and simply stares back at Bellamy. She hadn’t thought that far, she realizes. All she knows is that in order to protect Madi, Octavia needs to go. But Bellamy is right. With Octavia gone, Clarke is sure Gaia won’t hesitate to reveal to Wonkru that there is a true Nightblood among them. She’d lose Madi for good. And there’s no guarantee Wonkru won’t go to war anyway. Clarke’s mind is reeling with emotions. She was so sure of herself just a moment ago and now she feels like every way she looks, there is an unsurmountable wall before her. Madi, Bellamy, Octavia. It’s all too much. Frustrated, she breaks eye-contact with Bellamy and looks to the ground. Her silence only seems to fuel the strained atmosphere between them but Clarke doesn’t know what to do about it anymore.

“So that’s it? That was your whole plan? Just take down my sister? Never mind the consequences?”

Bellamy asks with a hint of disbelief in his voice. Clarke remains silent and it takes everything in him not to blow up at her but he knows it’s only a matter of time now. He’s talking himself into a rage, he feels it. And he’s not sure if he can stop himself. Not anymore.

“What about our people in the valley? The ones we love? Our friends? Your mother? Do you really think Diyoza will just accept everyone in if they surrender? That she won’t make an example of anyone? Did you ever think about what’d happen if your plan backfires? If Wonkru goes to war anyway? We _need_ to get them out of there before they’re caught in the middle of everything!”

Clarke looks at him again. She’s practically shaking with anger, hurt, and frustration. But she’s determined as well. She knows what’s important to her. She won’t back down now. Gathering what is left of her composure, she manages to keep her voice level.

“I _need_ to stop this war. I _need_ to keep Madi safe. She’s-“

“That’s what this is really about, isn’t it?” Bellamy interrupts her harshly. He knows what he’s about to say is a mistake. But he’s just _so_ angry. With Clarke. With himself. With everything. He just doesn’t care anymore. “It’s not about stopping this war. Not about ‘breaking the cycle’, isn’t it?”

Clarke avoids his gaze again, squeezing her eyes shut and turning to the side. Away from Bellamy. She knows what’s coming. And she knows she won’t be able to take it. Not from him.

“This is just about you. You and Madi and no one else. You’d sacrifice everyone, Echo, Octavia, Emori, Murphy, Raven, your own mother, me without trying- without thinking-“

And just like that, something within Clarke breaks. She whirls around to face Bellamy, tears in her eyes.

“SHE’S ALL I HAVE!”

Bellamy falls silent instantly, taken aback by Clarke’s sudden outburst. Tears streaming down her face, she takes a few steps towards him until she’s right in front of him.

“For 6 years, Madi was all I had left. She’s the one who kept me sane. The one who helped me get through it all. The one who told me time and again that you’d come back to me when I was close to losing hope.”

Clarke hesitates for a second. She knows she’s closing in on dangerous territory. Thoughts and feelings she’s kept bottled up for way too long. Which had come crashing down on her the moment Bellamy stepped into the Rover’s headlights just in time to save her. Which she’s tried to bury deep inside her again ever since she saw him with _her_. But she’s tired of pretending. Tired of keeping everything under control. She just doesn’t have the strength anymore. So she simply gives in and lets it all out.

“And now you’re back. You’re home and… and we got everyone out of the bunker and… everything’s changed. The people have changed. _You_ have changed. I thought everything would go back to the way it was but now there’s a distance between us that I don’t know how to cross. Which is why I’ll do anything to protect the last one on Earth who kept me going all this time and if you’re going to hate me for this, then that’s the price I-“

“You were DEAD, Clarke”, Bellamy tells her with a strained voice and the pain in his words is enough to make Clarke stop dead in her tracks. Bellamy inhales sharply in an attempt to keep himself under control. To not break down under the weight of everything he’s feeling right now. He fails, and his voice is shaking when he continues.

“For six years, I thought you died because I left you behind. For six years, I tried to do everything I could to make sure we survived so that I wouldn’t have let you die in vain. So I did what you told me to do. I used my head. It was the only way _I_ could survive. And now you’re here. Right in front of me. Breathing. _Alive_. And I- I just-“

Bellamy rakes his fingers through his hair again. Looking at everything but the woman in front of him. He doesn’t know what to say anymore. What to do anymore. Everything is a mess.

Silence fills the space between them. There’s nothing left to say. Something in the air has changed. The tension is gone. Replaced by something else though none of them is sure by what exactly. Finally, Bellamy turns his gaze to Clarke. She has her back to him, so he takes a moment to just look at her. To finally get himself to process that this is Clarke. That she’s alive. That after six years of believing her to be dead, he got to see her again. Touch her again. Talk to her again. It’s a miracle he didn’t even dream possible. And now it feels like he’s losing her all over again. He can’t have that. He won’t. So he tries again.

“Clarke.“

Slowly, she turns around to face him. Her voice is just above a whisper.

“Bellamy.”

Silence. For a long moment they just stare at each other. Neither knowing what to say to break the strained atmosphere between them. Clarke looks at him with sad eyes. Her expression exhausted. Defeated. As if she’d lost any hope that they can somehow bridge the chasm between them. But Bellamy has to try. He just knows they’re _this_ close to something. What exactly, he’s not sure. But he feels, that if they stop now, they won’t ever get to this point again. He racks his brain for something – anything – to say and that’s when he remembers Clarke’s words from a few moments before and how something seemed off about them. Somehow he knows he’s crossing a line that they won’t be able to return from. He does it anyway. Because he can’t lose her. Not again.

“You said Madi was ‘the last one to keep you going’. What did that mean?”

Clarke’s reaction is subtle, but instantaneous. Her eyes widen and she takes a short sharp breath. This is when Bellamy knows he’s on to something. Something that might just be what both of them need to find their way back to each other. Clarke stays silent. Her lips pressed together in a thin line. Bellamy’s gaze softens. He can see how much Clarke is struggling with herself to keep in whatever it is that she feels she needs to keep in. He also sees her resolve wavering. So he tries again. One last time.

“Clarke…”

“Don’t, Bellamy, please… I-“

Clarke’s voice breaks and she turns her back to him. The desperate look in his eyes pains her more than she’s willing to admit. More than anything. But she can’t say it. It would ruin everything. _She_ would ruin everything. Then Bellamy speaks up again and what’s left of her fragile determination crumbles into nothing.

“I’m trying, Clarke. This isn’t who we are and I’m trying to understand where we went wrong but I don’t know what to do anymore. So please…”

Bellamy trails off, his voice filled with despair and Clarke can’t take it anymore.

“It was you”, she whispers in a small voice but to Bellamy, it feels like someone fired off a gun close to his ear. Time stops. Taking a step forward, he swallows hard before responding. His voice equally as quiet as Clarke’s had been just seconds before.

“What?”

Clarke turns around again. But she doesn’t look at him. Instead, she keeps her gaze locked onto the floor in front of her.

“What kept me going in the last six years besides Madi. It was you. At first I just wanted to contact you on the ring. Let you know I was still down here. Alive. Waiting. When I didn’t get a response I wanted to stop trying but… I just couldn’t. So I radioed every day, telling you about everything that happened. All the times I was close to just giving up, talking to you helped me get through it. I missed everyone so much. I missed you the most.”

Bellamy can see Clarke trembling, hears the tears in her voice. Feels her pain as if it was his own. Because it is. Six years and he never really got over her apparent death. Six years and there was still a hole in his heart that even the love of another hadn’t managed to heal. He watches in silence as Clarke continues on.

“Then I met Madi. And I still couldn’t stop. I kept talking to you every day. Sometimes Madi would join me. I even caught her radioing you on her own a few times because she was worried about me and didn’t know who else to turn to. A part of my always hoped that maybe you could hear me up there. That you were just unable to respond. When you didn’t come back down after the five years were up I was so scared that the reason you never responded wasn’t because the radio didn’t work but because you never made it to the ring in the first place. Madi practically forced me to keep radioing you. So I did. It helped keep the fear at bay. It gave me hope. For 2199 days. _You_ gave me hope.”

Clarke stops talking then and just stands there unmoving while Bellamy tries to process everything she’s just told him. He never expected anything like this and his heart is racing when he takes another careful step in Clarke’s direction.

“Every day?”, is all he manages to ask. Clarke doesn’t say anything but he sees her nod slowly. He hesitates for a second before he speaks up once more, his voice breaking.

“Why me?”

Finally Clarke looks up at him, eyes filled with desperation and sadness. She shakes her head at him and slowly takes a step back.

“Bellamy, please, I can’t…”

She takes a deep breath and with a long frustrated sigh, turns her back to him again.

“It doesn’t matter, okay? Not anymore.”

She tries to walk away from him then. But in a split second, Bellamy has grabbed her by the wrist and turned her around to face him again. The air between them feels heavy. This is it. The point of no return. But they’ve come too far to stop now. So he continues on. Consequences be damned. His voice is soft but firm when he speaks.

“Why me, Clarke?”

They simply gaze into each other’s eyes for what feels like an eternity, neither of them daring to say or do something that might ruin everything. It comes as a surprise to both of them when Clarke is the first one to break. Not knowing what else to do, she grabs Bellamy by his shirt with her free hand and pulls him down a bit to capture his lips in a desperate kiss pouring six years’ worth of feelings into it. She feels Bellamy freeze up beneath her. The rational part of her knows just how wrong all of this is. That she has ruined every chance they ever had of going back to how things were before, but she simply can’t fight it anymore.

The kiss blindsides Bellamy with the force of a meteorite hitting the ground. His mind goes completely blank and he’s sure his heart stopped beating for a few seconds. Somewhere in the back of his mind there’s a voice reminding him of someone waiting in the valley for him but he can barely hear it. Because Clarke Griffin is kissing him. The girl he left behind to die six years ago, who miraculously survived on her own all this time, who he has loved from a distance ever since their trip to an old supply bunker a lifetime ago, the girl who he was sure he’d never see again, is kissing him. So when he feels her pull back he does the only thing that seems right at the time. He grabs her by the waist, pulls her flush against him and kisses her back with everything he has and it’s then that seemingly everything falls into place.

Clarke wraps her arms around his neck and buries her hands in his hair while Bellamy pushes her up against the nearby wall without once breaking their kiss. They hold on to each other as if they were the last thing to keep each other from drowning in a violently storming sea. They’re hyperaware of each other, every touch sending shockwaves of electricity down their spines.

When they part a few moments later, they’re both breathing heavily, still staring into each other’s eyes, still not sure what exactly just happened. Before they can come to terms with it, however, reality hits both of them like a punch to the gut when Monty and Harper come rushing into the room. They spring apart as if they’d been burned while their two friends eye them with suspicion.

“Bellamy, Clarke… you’ll want to see this”, Monty finally tells them, apparently deciding that whatever just happened between his friends in this room is none of his business. So he turns around and motions for them to follow him.

Clarke throws an uncertain glance at Bellamy. There is still a lot they need to talk about and she’s not sure how to handle whatever they are at this point or what’s going to become of them in the hours and days to come but when she sees Bellamy return her look with a soft smile, she feels like the weight of the world had just been lifted from her shoulders. When Bellamy grabs her by the hand and pulls her along with a low “let’s go. We’ll sort this out later”, Clarke finally manages to smile back at him.

It’s then, that both of them know that whatever would await them in the future, whatever hardships they would have to face, they would be with each other.

Always.

Together.


End file.
